Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
