She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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