he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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