Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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