there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
