drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
