I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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