Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
