The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
