i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
