Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize