He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
