'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
