so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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