You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
high people should be assigned attendants
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize