is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize