So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
