wanna go halves on a baby?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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