well you can't waste a boner
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
