I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
