Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
