And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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