sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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