So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
