Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
