I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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