you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We smell like vodka and hangover
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