He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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