I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
