I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
