There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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