there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
