My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
