Apparently you make a good broom.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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