i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize