I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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