You're so nebulous sometimes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
