I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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