Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
