4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
