So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
