I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize