I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
