we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
