do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
