she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
