I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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