I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
