awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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