I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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