dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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