Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
