In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
