I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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