so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
