we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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