...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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