In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
