first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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