she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
