i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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