saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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