No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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