We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
