Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
