Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
