i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
