Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
