I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
